Sometimes I think back to those days. Early grief. I think of that woman, and I see her standing on an empty road. I see her pain; I feel it. I can still imagine her cries of anguish and the sadness that consumed her heart with every beat. I feel her anxiety and her despair.

Maybe, reading this, you are that woman. You are in the thick of early grief. Or maybe, like me, you are years out.

I wonder what she would think of me now? Imagine if you knew then what you know now—if you could see into your own future. If that woman, so desperate and alone, could see you today, would she be proud? Would it give her hope? Would it give her peace? Or would she see a woman still stuck, consumed by sadness and hopelessness?

If you are in early grief, what hopes and dreams do you have for your future self? I know you have them; we all do. Even if they are as simple as “I want to smile again” or “I want to laugh again,” or as long-term as “I want to live and love again.”

 

The Mended Heart

If I could see me now, I think it would give her hope. I think she would be proud. She would see the spark back in my eyes and a smile on my face. If I could talk with her, I would hug her tight. I would tell her I know her sadness, but I’d want her to know that my love for Andy is still just as strong and that I still miss him every day.

I would show her my mended heart—sewn together with tears, memories, and hope. I would show her that it is whole again, mended carefully and purposefully in the years since his death. Each stitch brought both pain and healing. Little by little, the light returned to my eyes, all while honoring my past. There was plenty of stumbling—even falling flat on my face—but I always got back up. Sometimes I had to pry myself off the ground; many other times, it was a loving hand reaching down to help me.

 

The Work of the Mend

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen without challenge, sacrifice, and work. So, if you are early in grief, what do you want your future to reflect? If you are years out, are you in the place where you want to be?

Wherever you are in your story, I know you want more because you are reading this right now. You are already doing the healing work. You are already connecting with others who know your pain. What you might not see yet is that you are sewing a stitch right now. You are already mending.

Healing looks different for everyone. What worked for me won’t be exactly the same as what works for you. We can, however, look to each other for ideas of what that “mend” looks like. For me, healing has included:

  • Helping others and finding a community that truly understands.
  • Trying new things and talking to friends or a counselor.
  • Deepening my faith life.
  • Accepting the setbacks, but always choosing to step forward again.

So, take a breath. Healing isn’t a destination to be reached; it’s a process. Look at the work you’ve already done just by showing up here today. Whether your stitches are perfectly straight or a bit of a jagged mess, they are holding you together.

We are all part of this same circle, mending our hearts alongside one another. You aren’t just surviving that empty road anymore; you’re building a way home.

 

Keep Sewing…

Katie