Society makes us feel like sadness is for the weak. That death and loss are taboo topics. Yet, if we move forward too quickly, we must not have loved them enough. Or if we are grieving too long, something must be wrong with us. So many opinions about a topic that no one really wants to talk about. Then enters the digital world…
The digital world is here, and it’s here to stay. There are so many benefits it has brought to the grief community. So many connections, understanding, and resources are now available that simply weren’t before. Grief can feel incredibly isolating, and for so long, many of us felt like no one could possibly understand what we were going through. Now, with the click of a finger, we can find so many others who share the experience of losing a spouse. Pretty helpful.
But with all the positives, the negatives can come along, too.
You post to remember. To share. To help others remember. To honor and celebrate the love you have for the person who died. And what are you sometimes met with? Unwanted comments, opinions, and advice.
It happens to the best of us. And sometimes it can lead us down a “griefy spiral.”
How Do We Navigate Grief In This New Digital Age?
There are some things to keep in mind when expressing grief online. Here are a few to think about:
1. Social Media Has Blurred the Boundaries of Grief.
Since its beginning, social media has changed the way we experience and share grief. Death and loss can be brought to the world in real time, sometimes within moments of a loved one dying. Sometimes things are even posted before all family members and loved ones have been informed.
This can be the nature of the beast. It can also create pressure for those who are grieving to post, share updates, or constantly communicate about their loved one or their own feelings and health.
And because we are often sharing with people beyond just our close family and friends, it can open the door to uninvited comments, opinions, and thoughts from people who are not our near and dear.
Please know that no one is expecting you to post. And if they are, that is for the wrong reason.
You are allowed to grieve in your own way.
If posting updates helps you through your grieving process, then go ahead and do it. But also know that you have the right to your privacy. If you are receiving unwanted comments or the negatives are starting to outweigh the positives, it might be time to make some changes.
2. Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.
We know that what we see online and what people choose to post is often the best version of themselves. Even when grieving.
We are all different, and we all follow a different timeline. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Sometimes we can begin to feel like we are “grieving wrong” because we are comparing our lives to those we see or read about online. But that simply isn’t true.
Your grief is yours.
It may be time to step away from the phone or computer and focus on other healthy ways to heal.
3. Memories Can Be Beautiful, but They Can Also Be Painful.
As much as I love seeing Facebook and Instagram memories, they can also trigger you when something pops up that you weren’t expecting.
If you know certain dates or memories may be especially difficult, you might choose to avoid opening social media around those important dates. Or, if you know you want to see the memories, come up with a way to cope with the emotions that may come afterward.
There is nothing wrong with being intentional about protecting yourself when you know something might be hard.
4. You Do Not Owe Anyone an Explanation for Your Grief.
Navigating unwanted comments and advice, along with feeling emotionally overwhelmed online, can stir up unexpected waves of grief.
It’s important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation of your thoughts, feelings, or the way you choose to grieve.
Sometimes it is healthier to disengage and delete a comment than to get into an emotional battle online with someone who does not—and may never—understand your perspective.
If you find yourself constantly looking for validation from others online about how you should grieve or how you should live your life after loss, it might be a good idea to take a step back and evaluate your online presence and what you are sharing.
We are not in this grief journey alone.
Social media and online platforms, like Widow Collaborative, can offer wonderful connections and provide tools, resources, and a sense of community that can help us feel less alone.
But as wonderful as these resources are, they should not replace human connection or professional support when we need it.
As you read this, take some time to reflect on your own relationship with grief and the digital world.
Hopefully, Widow Collaborative has provided you with some wonderful resources and connections. But I also encourage you to look for the in-person events offered through Widow Collaborative and other organizations.
Because Real Connections Are So Beautiful—and Can Be So Healing
Sometimes we need to put the phone down, step away from the screen, and sit with another person who simply gets it.
And sometimes, that is exactly what we need.
I think this version still sounds like you—especially the “griefy spiral,” “pretty helpful,” and conversational parts—but reads more smoothly and feels ready to publish.
