Darkness can be described as the absence of light… vacancy, emptiness, void. To my grieving readers, this description may sound familiar to what you feel in your loss.
Grief indeed feels like the absence of light, without our loved one. Without our person, we feel lost without light in a perpetual soul search to find who we are after death. Many times we are faced with so many tasks and challenges to overcome without a flashlight or any tools to help us. After the death of my husband, a dark abyss was created. A space that was once filled with love, warmth, and light now replaced with swirling anxiety, emptiness, and darkness.
How can we let light back into our lives? Of course, nothing can fill the light our loved one provided, but light comes from so many beautiful sources. Both from within us and outside us. Recognizing this is the first step in healing.
Rediscovering Your Inner Strength in Grief
Someone recently shared this beautiful phrase, and I want to share it with you. It brings such clarity to the above questions: “You keep seeking the Light. Don’t you know you are the light?”-Rumi.
We are constantly seeking outside ourselves to fill whatever darkness we have, but what we really need is a mirror so we can see the reflection of all the good and light that we shine.
I will be the first to admit—I did not like what I saw and the impact grief was having on me. I didn’t recognize myself. And I didn’t like it.
So I began to work at healing and letting the light back in. And slowly it crept in and continues to fill the dark spaces with every laugh, smile, quiet moment, practice of patience, tear, trial, and beloved memory.
Ways to Let Light In After Loss: Healing Through Connection, Faith, & Courage
Here are some of my suggestions for you:
- Be a part of something! You are already here… on the Widow Collaborative site- catching light. See how you can meet others to help bring light in. Meeting and talking with other women who had gone through the same loss as I did was so healing for me. They were one of my first steps I took to fill my darkness. They have taught me so much about love, healing, and resilience.
- Faith. This can be a touchy subject for some because loss and tragedy can lead to loss of faith. I am a guilty party to this. Not necessarily the loss of faith but the anger towards my faith. Letting go of the anger and leaning into my faith. Putting my trust in God and knowing his plans are way bigger than anything I could dream of. So wherever you are in your faith journey—seek what’s next. Oh, the light that He will provide.
- The act of giving. My cup has over-runneth from helping others. Figure out a way you can give back. Start small. When you help someone else, the focus is shifted off your life and your problems, which does so much for healing.
- Facing your fears. I looked some of my fears right in the eye and took back control. I faced my fear of loneliness, by accepting not having a partner as a possibility, and yet knowing that I can still have a full life. Get your fears in-check. Say them out loud. Release them and they will be released from you.
- What am I here for? Before my husband’s death I felt like I had a pretty good grip on why I am here. A wife, a mother, a counselor. Life after death has put a new perspective on my attitude towards this question. I am trying new things. Asking myself these questions and taking action with my answers.
Living With Light: Grief Doesn’t End, But Joy Can Return
Nine years later, I am still looking for light.
I have bad days, tears, anger, and frustration. But I now have hope, laughter, dreams of a future, and see so much good that already is and that may come. Begin the healing! I guarantee that in the end, the image you see in the mirror will be one that you recognize (different but still you). That image will reflect the light from inside you, one that has faced hurt but continues to not only live, but live with Joy!
Because—don’t you know? You need to stop seeking the light, You are the light!
