When you think about love, what pops into your head? A good rom-com? Maybe a great love song? Or maybe you think of someone really special in your life. Whatever love means to you, I want you to take a moment to hear me out over the next few paragraphs.
Maybe it will change the way you think about love. And maybe it can help you in your journey through grief—or simply in the way you live your life.
Rethinking the Definition of Love
I recently heard a very powerful statement while listening to a podcast, and I haven’t been able to unhear it. The discussion centered on what love is—and what it’s not. Here’s where it really resonated with me: real love is not gushy. It’s not just the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. And most importantly, love is not self-centered.
How powerful is that? When we love someone or show love, it isn’t about us—it’s about them.
Love as Sacrifice
So what is love, then? Love, in fact, is sacrifice. How beautiful is the idea of living a life that defines love as sacrifice—a love that requires choice and action.
Love in a World of Social Media & Self-Focus
Especially in the world we live in today, where social media rules. Where movies, TV, and music constantly put love on display. Love is often confused with lust, or with meeting our own needs until we move on to the next thing. In an age of high divorce rates, constant talk of self-love, families falling apart, and adult children going no-contact with parents, there may be no better time to reflect on how we view—and practice—love in our own lives.
I’m not saying there’s no room for romance, self-love, or the excitement of new love. But I do know that many of those things don’t last forever. And when the butterflies fade, or when we love ourselves more than others, what’s left can feel like a void.
Seeing Sacrificial Love in Everyday Life
That’s why I wanted to reflect on this powerful idea of love as sacrifice, and how I could bring more of it into my own life. The beautiful thing that happened when I did was that I began to see how much of this kind of love is truly all around me—especially when you step offline and look at the quiet beauty of real life.
Faith, Parenthood, & Selfless Love
In my faith life, this type of love is very naturally witnessed. And as a parent—especially if you have young children—it’s impossible to miss. The things you give up day in and day out: sleep, hobbies, time. I would give the shirt off my back if my child were cold. For me, faith and parental love are no-brainers when it comes to understanding that love is sacrifice.
It becomes more challenging when we think about those around us—our family, friends, and neighbors. That’s an area where I know I can grow. Showing love through our work, our time, or by giving something up when someone else is in need. Sometimes it’s a tangible thing. Sometimes it’s holding our tongue, lending an ear, or offering a shoulder to cry on. Loving others—doing for others, giving up for others—is an act of love, and a deeply healing one.
Helping others can boost happiness, reduce stress, and give us purpose and connection. That all sounds good to me—benefits all around, even if it’s sometimes easier said than done.
As I continued to reflect on love and how it shows up in my life, I thought of him—my late husband, Andy. A warm feeling came over me.
And that brings me to the ultimate sacrifice I have made for love: living day in and day out without him.
Grief as the Ultimate Act of Love
I carry his love with me every day, but it’s heavier now because I have to do all the lifting. I hold both the memories and the brokenness. Every day, I gather the pieces and mend them enough to keep going. Loving him now means choosing—again and again—to move toward healing and happiness in a world where he no longer exists. I make all the sacrifices.
Grief is the ultimate sacrifice of love. To take away the pain would mean he never existed. And his existence is worth all of the pain. I would do it all over again, even if it means missing him every day until I take my last breath.
Because what I have learned through my hurt and my loss is this:
Love is sacrifice.
Grief is sacrifice.
Grief is love.
Reflecting on Love & Healing Through Grief
I hope these reflections helped you in some way. If they did, I challenge you to take time to reflect on love in your own life. Where can you love differently? Where do you see the ultimate love of sacrifice? Where can you do more? How has loss shaped the way you love—and where can love help heal the hurt?
I hope this encourages you to reflect on the love in your life, and on the delicate balance of pain, beauty, and strength it brings as you continue your journey through grief.
Love,
Katie
